A Complete Guide for UK Wedding Gift Etiquette for Guests
Weddings are joyous occasions, but they can also come with a lot of questions for guests, especially when it comes to wedding gift etiquette. Whether you’ve been to multiple weddings or it’s your first time attending, understanding the unspoken rules around gifting can help you make the best decisions and avoid feeling awkward about not knowing what to do.
From how much to spend to navigating gift registries and group gifts, we’ve covered everything you need to know in this comprehensive guide to wedding gift etiquette for guests in the UK*.
*This guide is specific to the UK as different countries and cultures have their own etiquette/expectations when it comes to gift giving at weddings.
1. Do You Have to Give a Wedding Gift?
The short answer is yes, it’s customary to give a wedding gift when you’re invited to a wedding. However, it’s important to note that the gift is a gesture of goodwill, not a repayment for the wedding invitation. The couple is inviting you to share in their special day, and a gift is a traditional way to wish them well as they begin their married life.
That said, the expectation for a gift can vary depending on a few factors:
Close Family or Friends: If you're attending the wedding of close family or friends, giving a gift is standard. Even if the couple has said that gifts are optional, it's still thoughtful to bring something.
Distant Acquaintances or Co-workers: If you're not particularly close to the couple or you were invited to the wedding as a work colleague, the expectation for a gift is less stringent, but it's still polite to give a gift if you can afford it.
Destination Weddings: If the wedding is a destination affair and you’re paying a significant amount of money to attend, the couple may not expect a large gift. However, even in these cases, a small token of appreciation or sentimental gift is appreciated.
2. How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift?
This is one of the most common questions guests have, and while there isn’t a strict rule, there are guidelines that can help.
Consider Your Relationship to the Couple
Your relationship with the couple often dictates the amount you might spend on a gift. Here’s a rough guide based on your connection to the couple:
Close Family or Best Friends: £100-£150
Extended Family or Close Friends: £50-£100
Acquaintances, Work Colleagues, or Distant Family: £30-£50
Factor in Your Budget
While it’s important to give a thoughtful gift, you should never feel pressured to spend more than you can afford. Couples understand that guests come from different financial situations, so it’s okay to stay within your budget.
Consider Travel Costs
If you’re travelling for the wedding, especially to a destination wedding or you’re coming from abroad, many couples will take your travel expenses into account. In these cases, it’s perfectly fine to spend a bit less on the gift to accommodate the cost of attending.
3. Should You Stick to the Wedding Gift Registry?
Most couples will have a wedding gift registry, which makes the gifting process easier for both the guests and the couple. Registries typically include a list of gifts that the couple has pre-selected, and they often range from affordable items to more luxurious ones, catering to various budgets.
Benefits of Sticking to the Registry
No Guesswork: The couple has chosen these items specifically, so you know they want and need them. This eliminates any uncertainty about whether the gift will be appreciated or duplicated.
Easy to Purchase: Most modern registries are available online, making it easy to purchase a gift and have it delivered directly to the couple’s home, especially if the wedding is far from where you live.
Is It Okay to Go Off-Registry?
Yes, it’s okay to go off-registry if you want to give something more personal or meaningful, but there are a few considerations to keep in mind:
Avoid Duplicate Gifts: Try to find out what the couple already owns to avoid gifting them something they already have.
Be Thoughtful: If you choose a gift that’s not on the registry, make sure it’s something that reflects their tastes and will be useful to them.
Check for a Registry: Even if you don’t want to buy from the registry, checking it first can give you an idea of the couple’s style, which can help guide your choice if you’re going off-script.
4. Is Cash a Suitable Wedding Gift?
Cash has become an increasingly popular wedding gift option, especially for couples who may already have most of the household items they need. Cash gifts are especially useful for couples who might be saving for a house, a honeymoon, or another big expense. My aunt and uncle asked for cash to help them re-do their patio, for example.
How to Give Cash as a Wedding Gift
Cash or Cheque: Some guests prefer to give cash or a cheque (less common these days), which can be presented in a wedding card at the reception. However, it’s always safer to hand this directly to the couple or ensure it goes into a secure card box (sometimes provided by the venue) rather than leaving it unattended. If you don’t have a moment to hand it to the couple, or they don’t have anywhere secure to store it, it’s fine to give it to the couple after the wedding as well.
Monetary Gift Funds: Many couples now use websites that allow guests to contribute to specific funds (e.g., honeymoon, new home, or charity donations). These are convenient and ensure the couple receives the gift in the way they intended. Couples may use sites like Prezola to organise a cash gift that can go directly to their honeymoon fund, for example.
How Much Cash Should You Give?
The amount of cash you give as a wedding gift should follow similar guidelines as tangible gifts. For close family or friends, you might want to give £100-£150, while for more distant acquaintances, £30-£50 is appropriate. Adjust the amount based on your budget and relationship with the couple.
Some couples may also give you an alternative option to donate to a charity that means something to them. For example, my close friends gave guests the option to donate to a hospice charity that helped one of their parents through their end of life care after a hard fought battle with cancer. This was a lovely surprise for them after the wedding to see how much they’d raised for the charity.
5. Group Gifts: A More Affordable Option
If you’re on a budget or want to give the couple a more expensive gift, a group gift is a great idea. This allows multiple guests (such as friends or family members) to chip in for a larger gift that the couple really wants but might not be able to ask for individually. I did this at a friend’s wedding years ago and it was a great way to give more extravagant gifts that none of us would have been able to afford on our own. The bridal party and groomsmen all chipped in for a few large gifts from the couple’s registry and the couple were very pleased. This made it more affordable for all of us and the couple got items that other guests likely also would not have been able to afford on their own.
This is an especially good option if a large number of the guests (usually friends) are quite young and are unlikely to have a large amount of disposable income. Pooling your money together makes it more affordable for everyone and takes the pressure off to buy an extravagant gift on their own.
How to Organise a Group Gift
Start early: Begin organising the group gift as soon as you receive the invitation. This gives everyone time to decide and contribute without feeling rushed.
Agree on a budget: Set a budget that works for everyone. This is typically easier if everyone in the group has a similar financial situation.
Choose a gift: Either choose a gift from the couple’s registry or come up with a meaningful, higher-ticket item that the couple would appreciate, such as a luxury appliance or a piece of art.
6. When Should You Give the Wedding Gift?
Timing is another aspect of wedding gift etiquette that guests often wonder about. Should you bring the gift to the wedding or send it ahead of time?
Before the Wedding
It’s perfectly acceptable (and often preferred) to send the gift before the wedding. This ensures the couple doesn’t have to worry about transporting gifts after the event, especially if the wedding is far from home or the couple is immediately leaving for their honeymoon.
At the Wedding
While it’s not uncommon to bring a gift to the wedding, keep in mind that the couple or their families may have to transport several gifts after the reception. For larger gifts, it’s usually more convenient to send them to the couple’s home.
After the Wedding
If you’re unable to give the gift before or at the wedding, aim to send it within a month of the event. According to traditional etiquette, guests have up to a year after the wedding to give a gift, but it’s more ideal if you can send it within a shorter time frame.
7. Thank-You Notes: What to Expect
After the wedding, you should expect to receive a thank-you note from the couple within a few months. In the UK, it’s customary for couples to send out handwritten thank-you notes to express their appreciation for your attendance and gift. Be patient, as writing dozens of thank-you notes can take some time!
8. What to Do If You Can't Attend the Wedding
If you’ve received an invitation but can’t attend the wedding, it’s still polite to send a gift. You don’t need to spend as much as you would if you were attending, but a thoughtful gift is a nice gesture to show your support and best wishes for the couple.
9. Destination Weddings: Special Considerations
Destination weddings come with their own set of challenges and financial considerations. If you’re attending a destination wedding, you may already be spending a significant amount on travel and accommodation, and the couple is likely aware of this. It’s completely acceptable to give a smaller gift in this case, or even a more personal token rather than a lavish item from the registry.
This also applies if you are travelling abroad to the couple’s wedding, even if it’s not a “destination wedding” (e.g. the couple lives in the UK, but has family/friends in the US who will travel to attend).
Final Thoughts on Wedding Gift Etiquette
Navigating wedding gift etiquette can be challenging, but by following these guidelines, you’ll ensure your gift is thoughtful, appropriate, and appreciated. Remember that weddings are ultimately about celebrating the couple, and the best gifts come from the heart. Stick to your budget, consider the couple’s preferences, and don’t hesitate to get creative with your gift-giving.
Whether you’re giving a tangible gift, contributing to a honeymoon fund, or organising a group present, your gesture will be valued and cherished as the couple embarks on their new journey together.
